Add These Items to Your Post-Divorce Dating Checklist

Divorces exact a heavy toll on people. The shift from wedded bliss to singlehood is almost always challenging, especially for those coming from long-term marriages.

Feeling lost? That’s okay — you’re not alone.

Post-divorce life leaves you with many questions (that some may ask out loud and unprompted). One of them may pertain to your dating life.

Don’t be surprised if someone asks you the “when are you going to start dating again” question at any point during your newfound freedom.

If the thought of getting back into the dating pool after being off the market for a long time intimidates you, that’s completely normal. That fear (for lack of a better term) can scare even the most confident divorcees.

For starters, consider crossing these items off your post-divorce dating checklist. They’ll help you out in the long run.

1. Process your grief.

Divorces are painful. Regardless of how long you were married, they’re always going to hurt in one way or another.

Some of us can’t help but blame ourselves for the fallout of our failed marriages. While guilt is normal, the last thing you should do is pin that failure on yourself. Unless you deliberately did something, your divorce isn’t your fault.

Give yourself time to go through the motions. Your feelings are valid and healing has no deadline. If you feel like you need professional help, don’t hesitate to reach out to licensed experts.

2. Reclaim yourself.

Post-divorce baggage unfortunately comes with doubts and insecurities. Some of us even forget our sense of self because we’ve been so invested in our marriages.

Falling short in the self-identity department? Get it back by working on yourself more. If you want to do things that you previously couldn’t do due to your marital status, now’s the best time to pursue them. No one can and should stop you.

Friendly reminder: you’re more than just your divorce and ex-spouse. You ARE your own person.

3. Be specific.

What are your wants and needs? What are your non-negotiables? Narrow them down to get to your vision of ideal matches.

Having standards is a good thing and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. However, it’s best not to set the bar too high; unreasonable expectations will lead to disappointments.

4. Brace yourself for possibilities.

Modern dating is an unpredictable universe. You never know who you’ll encounter and there’s no telling how your dates will go.

Embrace spontaneity by being open to possibilities. Who knows — the person who ends up winning your heart may not even be your type.

5. Being practical is okay.

Our rose-colored glasses come off post-divorce. You’re less likely to romanticize romance and you’ll see relationships beyond surface levels.

Don’t have time for games? Great! This means you’re upfront about getting down to specifics. You know what you want and need and how you’ll meet them.

While your realism and honesty are welcome, this doesn’t mean that you should be a cynic. The latter is a dead giveaway of your unpreparedness in dealing with new relationships.

6. Don’t rush anything.

Yes, you shouldn’t beat around the bush on your post-divorce dates. However, that doesn’t mean jumping into serious relationships immediately.

Just because everyone’s living life in the fast lane doesn’t mean you should speed things up too. Dating isn’t a contest, people! They’re supposed to be fun, so why rush?

Pump the breaks and slow down as you get into the dating groove. This approach makes for better experiences.

7. Above all else, trust your instincts.

There are lessons that are best learned through your intuition. If your gut tells you that someone or something is a green or red flag, perhaps it’s best to follow it. Better safe than sorry, yes?

The best thing about post-divorce dating life is that you call the shots. Your past shouldn’t hold you back from getting what you want.

You deserve happiness and no one (especially yourself) should gaslight you into thinking otherwise.

Good luck and have fun!