DATING TRENDS
What Is The Viral Bird Test? Does It Work?
As the age of social media continues, so do dating and relationship trends. Many of them have risen thanks to platforms like TikTok — yes, that app where everyone and their mother dance to reworked versions of songs.
One of these trends is the bird test. But no, this doesn’t involve birds.
Let’s closely look at this trend and understand how it works to help you decide whether to try it.
What Is This Test All About?
The TikTok bird test measures a relationship’s strength. Unlike most other dating trends, this one has scientific roots. The idea originated from John Gottman, a psychologist dedicated to studying relationships for over 40 years.
Here’s how it goes: when your partner shows genuine interest after you encounter an insignificant yet intriguing thing, that’s how you know they’re worth sticking around for.
The test’s concept revolves around connection bids — an essential component of relational communication.
A bid occurs when one party looks for any positive interaction; the other party’s response can create either distance (turning away) or closeness (turning toward). Bids manifest in simple or complex ways, from smiles to cries for help.
Let’s paint a picture to make things clear:
You share that you just saw a beautiful bird flying out your window. Your partner can have three possible reactions.
One, they’d look out your window and check it out themselves.
Two, they ignore what you witness and continue whatever they are doing.
Or three, they chastise you and brush off your joy entirely.
If your partner’s reaction is constantly similar to that of number three, your relationship is likely heading south.
Is It Legit?
Similar to other dating and relationship trends, the bird test has its share of skeptics. Some doubt its legitimacy, while others dismiss it as a fad. Conversely, some believe that the test has merit.
Licensed family and marriage therapist Gary Brown is among those who believe it’s worth considering.
He also tells USA Today, “The beauty of the bird test, is basically…it’s a bid to ask whoever you’re with to turn towards you and engage with you and show interest in something that you’re interested in, versus what (Gottman) calls “turning away.”
Gottman himself made discoveries in one of his studies. Couples who stayed together and were happy in their relationships turned toward each other approximately 86% of the time. Meanwhile, unhappy and separated couples only turned toward each other 33% of the time.
Don’t Panic in Case of Failure
Many have flocked to TikTok to try the bird test on their partners. Even Gottman himself endorsed it on the platform. Despite that, people’s results have varied.
Let’s say you’ve tried testing your partner, only for them to fail. Before you panic, pause and calm down. This doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed.
Maybe your partner’s nonchalance was because they were busy with other things. They may be more likely to react well if you catch them at a good time.
There’s no harm in trying the trend. Just remember that you won’t always get an A+ on that. People grow and change, so don’t write them off because of that one failure.
References
Trepany, Charles. 2023. “TikTok ‘bird test’ goes viral: Can it reveal if someone loves you?” USA Today. https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/health-wellness/2023/11/17/tiktok-bird-test-viral-psychology-relationships/71573953007/.
