ADVICE
Don’t Fight the Fall | What to Do When Catching Feelings
Many wish they were cool girls or guys. Unfortunately, not all of us are built like that.
They want to be someone who’s down for anything, from down-to-earth hangouts to the most spontaneous adventures. The last thing they want is to be seen as people who easily fall head over heels.
But here’s a question: why do many of us see that as a bad thing?
Catching feelings isn’t supposed to be a polarizing phenomenon. Don’t get it twisted: modern dating isn’t bad! However, its fast and convenient nature can leave people exhausted and frustrated.
If you find yourself falling for someone unexpectedly, don’t panic! Here’s how you can deal with your feelings.
Why Do You Fear Feelings?
It is not uncommon for people to be blissfully unaware of their fear of catching feelings. These reasons should help you understand your aversion:
Fear of pain
You dodge and fumble whatever romantic opportunity comes your way because you’re (understandably) scared of pain. That fear also has its roots. Some have past traumas they’re still recovering from, while others hate the unknown.
Being witness to others’ ugly experiences can also ruin anyone’s perceptions of love. Secondhand accounts of failed love are enough to plant fear in one’s mind.
Low self-esteem
Some people resist love because they feel they aren’t worth it. They don’t want to deal with both their anxieties and attachments.
If this is your case, be honest about your aversion to falling in love. You can self-reflect or explore your concerns further with a licensed professional. These will help in breaking your walls down.
Commitment to being single
Then there are those who enjoy their own company more than the companionship of others. They shy away from the commitments that come with relationships. This is mostly because they have other priorities, while some just aren’t ready to love.
Perhaps they see settling down as a roadblock to whatever their destination is. Relationships might be enjoyable, but singlehood is more appealing to them. Whatever their reasons are, they’re valid.
What Should You Do When Catching Feelings for Someone
Are things getting complicated? Are the butterflies becoming too hard to ignore at this point?
If so, here’s what you can do:
Don’t fight your feelings
Maybe you’ve sworn off falling in love with specific people. Perhaps you just want to project a cool girl/guy image to protect yourself. Whatever your reason is, you don’t want to appear vulnerable.
When you find yourself breaking your facade, don’t fight the fall. The more you suppress your feelings, the more they’ll grow. Humans are built to look for emotional intimacy anyway, so there’s no running away from it.
Take it slow
I know your feelings are getting intense, but trust me when I tell you not to dive into them head-first. You don’t need to act on them immediately — especially if they’re toward a stranger. Always keep a level head and don’t let your emotions get the best of you.
Tell them how you feel
So, you’ve mustered the courage to confess after weighing the pros and cons. That’s great, but you don’t want to come right out of the blue. The timing and manner matters. Grand romantic gestures need not apply, but a simple text or DM won’t cut it either.
Make your confession privately, taking into consideration how the other might feel. Emphasize respect and straightforwardness to make your point clear. You may want to include a timeline of your feelings and explain why you chose to tell them at that exact moment. Once you’ve said your piece, give them room to process everything.
If the feelings aren’t reciprocated
Rejection sucks — there’s no way around it. But take it on the chin. It isn’t (and shouldn’t be) an indictment of your worth. It is an unfortunate part of love, but don’t let it dampen your hopes because it can happen to anyone.
If the feelings are mutual
Congratulations! You get a chance to take things to another level and explore romance. But here’s a friendly reminder: take your time and set proper expectations. A relationship doesn’t blossom overnight. And just because the feeling is mutual, it doesn’t mean you’ve found the right one. It takes time and effort to maintain a healthy relationship.
You’re not wrong for catching feelings. It’s a universal human experience, so why punish yourself for it? Enjoy and learn from them whichever direction they may take you.
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