RELATIONSHIPS
The Cold Shoulder | The Silent Treatment Is Loud
Things were going swimmingly well. You two have gotten on great until one of you said something that should’ve been left unsaid during an intense argument.
From there, your partner has given you the cold shoulder. They won’t speak to you and would rather interact with others. Whatever warmth your relationship had has slowly been replaced with chills — and not the good kind.
Why do some people employ the silent treatment? What is it about silence that makes it deadly? How can someone turn that treatment around and stop it?
What Does the Silent Treatment Look Like?
The silent treatment is someone’s refusal to communicate with another person. It lets problems fester, creating confusion, frustration, and worthlessness.
In relationships, both parties can employ such treatment. Regardless if you’re the aggressor or on the receiving end, you can just shut down and cut off communication the moment they’re wronged. Forget the adage that says keeping quiet is golden because in this case, it isn’t.
Why Do People Use It?
Many of us have seen the silent treatment up close. Some of us have been the perpetrators, while others have been on the receiving end of it. These are some of the reasons behind such manipulative behavior:
#1: Self-preservation
As much as we want to speak up, some of us just can’t say anything when the time comes to do so. Why? The potential fallout scares some of us enough to keep quiet. Your silence may be a human response, but it may also hurt others in the process.
#2: Control and power
Silence is a statement. In this case, it’s a show of power and manipulation. It’s a tool dictating a relationship’s direction.
For example, an aggressor gives their partner the cold shoulder as “punishment” for their actions. This tactic shows how they prioritize control instead of their relationship’s well-being.
#3: Avoidance
This is especially true for avoidant and passive-aggressive people. The silent treatment is their way of expressing discomfort and escaping unfavorable situations they’d rather not be involved in.
Best Responses and Counters
How can one deal with the uncomfortable silence?
Say what you need to say
There’s no other way to address the elephant in the room. Vocalize your feelings and let the perpetrator know you’re not okay with the situation. This leaves them no choice but to address their behavior.
If you feel the need to say sorry, give a sincere apology. However, you should only do this if you know you’ve done something wrong. That’s different from blaming yourself for your partner’s actions.
Understand where they’re coming from
There’s a difference between looking at a person’s situation from their perspective and justifying their behavior. They’re not in a position to make excuses, so why should you?
Counter your partner’s silent treatment by acknowledging and empathizing with their feelings. This will make them realize you’re paying attention.
Cool down and give space
More often than not, nothing good happens when you say things in the heat of the moment. And because of that, the silent treatment happens. You and your partner should give yourselves space and clear your heads before saying something regrettable.
Giving someone the cold shoulder is unhealthy and counter-productive. If you’ve got something to say, don’t hold back and bite your tongue. Don’t let the silence fool you. No words may have been said, but its effects are deafening.
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