RELATIONSHIP ADVICE
From 100 to 0: The Crash and Burn of Relationships
New relationships feel like shiny new toys we can’t wait to play with. Their excitement and intensity bring a euphoric high you don’t want to get off from.
But unfortunately, this train can go from 100 to a screeching halt.
Many of us have seen seemingly beautiful relationships crash and burn in disastrous ways. Some even go to therapy to cope with the awful aftermath. These people can’t (understandably) comprehend why something great ended so horribly.
Why Do Some Relationships Burn Out Quickly?
If slow breakups feel like death by a thousand cuts, crashing and burning relationships seem as if you’ve been hit by a bus. You usually don’t see them coming, especially if things between you and your SO (significant other) started out so well.
Instant connections are supposed to be great, yes? However, they can also be potential recipes for disasters. These are some of the reasons relationships flame out as quickly as they start:
1. Blind investments
Fast-moving relationships tend to fizzle out as suddenly as they started because most people don’t know what they’re getting themselves into. The general rule of dating is to take your sweet time in knowing potential matches — something that fast-moving singles often disregard.
2. Low standards
Whether we like admitting this or not, some of our relationships crashed and burned because we settled for less. Even the smallest crumb of attention can be enough for some of us to fall. Consequently, relationships based on such standards don’t last that long.
3. Overreliance on physical intimacy/chemistry
When chemistry and intimacy are great, it’s easy to get caught up in the bliss. However, that doesn’t guarantee things lasting long-term because it can only sustain relationships for so long. Physical connections are not as strong as emotional ones.
4. Codependence
Fast-moving relationships may have both parties keeping up with each other’s pace. However, that doesn’t bode well for its long-term picture. Overattachment takes away independence; it makes you look like you can’t deal with being alone.
5. Fantasies/delusions
Idealizing someone to the point of delusion will only make your relationship feel burdensome. We shouldn’t put people on pedestals because we, as humans, are prone to making mistakes, which is an undeniable part of our nature. Fantasies and delusions are also often unreachable, and when expectations are not met, relationships can fizzle out.
Put Out the Fire Before You Get Burned
Human nature has many of us quickly falling in love quite often. Dr. Daniel Jones, a University of Nebraska psychologist, calls this phenomenon emophilia. People exhibiting high levels of such a trait usually don’t need factors like compatibility and long familiarity to accelerate their feelings.
Is this tendency a mistake? Not necessarily. For lucky singles, this helps them end up with the right matches.
But sometimes, our heart beats for people with a penchant for crashing and burning relationships. As much as they make us happy, they also bring heartbreak. They’re not going to be there forever — they’re only down for a good time. Once the fun stops, they won’t hesitate to leave.
If your relationship is about to crash and burn, don’t wait until you can’t get out of it. End things as soon as you can because you don’t want to get stuck in something ugly.
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