RELATIONSHIPS
Defining the Talking Stage in Relationships
“What are we?”
In the modern dating realm, that question pops up every now and then. More often than not, it usually comes up during the talking stage.
You may have heard of that term at least once. You might even have experienced it at one point in your life. So, what exactly is that stage? And how does it normally play out?
New Term, Old Concept
For those unaware, this (infamous) stage isn’t a new or unfamiliar concept. It refers to the period when two people who’ve expressed mutual interest in each other engage in regular conversations. A significant chunk of these interactions happen online, and it lets both parties get to know one another better, allowing them to gauge their compatibility.
This stage can last for varying periods — from weeks to months, depending on the people involved. The longer it runs, the more likely one (or both) becomes emotionally attached.
What Makes This Stage Hazy?
Going by its name, you may think this stage only consists of talking. In reality, it also involves occasional in-person dates. Some couples even get physically intimate during this period. In other cases, they get to know each other’s friends and other significant people in their lives.
For some, this stage is somewhat like a free trial period in relationships. Think of it like dipping your toes in a pool of water to check if it’s okay to jump in or not.
The talking stage can make you feel like you’re officially together, but you’re not. It’s essentially a labelless relationship, a limbo that leaves many people confused.
And when it ends, the sting can feel more painful than an actual breakup. Why? More often than not, people get enamored with the idea of someone they’ve formed in their heads. Add time, energy, and emotional investment into the mix, and it becomes a formula for pain.
How to Navigate This Stage
If you’re in this complicated and ambiguous stage of a possible relationship, your confusion and frustration is understandable. Keep yourself (and your feelings) in check by doing these helpful tips:
#1: Keep your expectations low and reasonable.
The stage makes everything — even the faintest emotion — feel heightened. It can make some of us forget that we aren’t officially a couple yet.
Avoid idealizations by taking the other’s actions at face value. Don’t rely on “potentials” because they’re not dependable; more than anything, they’re just fantasies. Try to listen and understand their words because they may have answers to your lingering questions about them.
#2: Don’t run away from difficult conversations.
If any (or both) of you start catching feelings during the talking stage, don’t let it become the awkward elephant in the room.
No one likes having vulnerable conversations like this because it opens up the possibility of heartbreak. However, opening up is necessary. Not only does it clear the air, but it also does your mental health good.
The feeling of being strung along can negatively impact your self-esteem. Give yourself some relief by being honest with your feelings.
#3: Don’t let your world revolve around your phone.
Majority of your interactions in this stage happens on your phone. However, you may want to step away from your device from time to time.
There are still many things to get excited about outside your relationship with the other person. Don’t drop whatever you’re doing just to reply to their messages. You still have a life to live. Unless they’re urgent requests, your replies can wait.
The talking stage is a necessary part of relationships. It allows a couple to gauge each other’s compatibility before deciding to commit to a relationship. But navigating this stage isn’t always easy, even for more experienced daters. Fortunately, you have some control over how it plays out. If you feel like you’re in a headless direction, let the other person know how you intend to progress. There’s no need to drag the stage longer than necessary.
