DATING
Be a “Delulu” Without Losing Sight of Reality
Being delusional is unhealthy, but what if I told you it’s no longer always the case?
Some of us daydream of an unnamed person sweeping us off our feet and winning us over effortlessly. Those fantasies can make us delusional — or as TikTokers call it, delulu. You’ll notice some people using the term if you’re active online. As of writing, it has over 100 million TikTok views.
Some have applied this mantra to manifesting relationships. Many Gen Z-ers say that being “delulu is the best solulu” (read: being delusional is the best solution). But how does one do this while being realistic?
The Origins
The term may have become popular in 2023, but its origins began in 2014. Niche communities supporting K-pop (Korean pop) used the term to refer to delusional fan behavior.
One example of such behavior is believing in having a relationship with an artist. Barring a miracle, this never happens. Fans usually call this out because of its unhealthy nature.
What Does It Mean to Be Delulu?
Now that you know the context, let’s look at this mindset’s current iteration.
Psychotherapist Alison McKleroy explains that embracing delulu can lead to confidence. “Being delulu is almost like a self-efficacy tool,” she says. “Being able to own your choices, take action and be fulfilled.”
Nowadays, the term refers to embracing a naive mindset in love and dating. This means over-idealizing and over-romanticizing things. This also leads to ignoring the reality of situations. People in this state are usually optimistic, even during unrealistic setups.
People adopt this mindset because the dating phase sets the stage for it. Since they don’t fully know their partners at that point, they tend to project ideals onto them.
Being a delulu is different from limerence. The former is a state of unrealistic optimism, while the latter is borderline obsession. Limerence also tends to stick longer, lasting from months to even decades.
How to Be Delusional While Being Realistic
I know what you’re thinking: how is that even possible? You can’t possibly put those two words together!
But what if there’s a way to strike a balance?
Here are a few ways to bring romance to life while keeping your feet on the ground:
1. Manifest it.
The law of attraction may seem silly to some, but there’s some merit to it. The more optimism, the better the results.
Envision your ideal partner, from their looks down to their fashion sense. You’ll be surprised at what you’ll come up with.
2. Go out and explore.
As cheesy as this sounds, there’s plenty of fish in the sea. Cast a wide net and explore your options!
Meeting people may not be as easy for some, but it’s better than sitting around and doing nothing, wallowing in regret. Put yourself out there and befriend fellow singles. Who knows — your person may be one encounter away.
3. Move with caution.
A healthy dose of self-awareness goes a long way. Give yourself some reality checks from time to time to make sure your feet are still planted on the ground.
It’s Okay to Be a Little Delulu
Indulging in this mindset isn’t wrong, so long as you’re aware of what you’re doing. You’re not crazy for engaging in a little bit of delusion because you’re not alone. We’ve all felt that way at some point, right?
You should take love seriously. Then again, a little daydreaming wouldn’t hurt anyone.
