Handling Relationship Conflict Like Adults

In today’s age of romantic comedies, dating sites, and dating reality shows, it’s easy to forget that relationships require work. And when things get rough, it’s tempting to leave instead of doing the work to learn how to address conflict in a relationship.

What Contributes to Relationship Issues?

Relationship conflicts can happen for different reasons. It can be daily conflicts, like who should do the dishes, or serious ones, like infidelity. Other common relationship stressors include insecurity, family responsibilities, finances, loss of commitment, passion, attraction, and/or emotional stonewalling.

Triggers in other aspects of your life can also affect your relationship, including financial and safety issues, incompatible principles, and past trauma.

How to Keep Your Relationship Stronger

You can’t avoid arguing with your partner, but what’s crucial is how you deal with what comes your way, which can determine if your relationship is healthy or unhealthy. So, here are tips that will help you handle your next argument healthily.

1. Encourage Each Other to Openly Talk

For a healthy relationship, you and your partner should openly talk about what’s going well in the relationship or what’s bothering you. You shouldn’t only talk about the problems in your relationship but also the positive things, so no one feels like they’re doing everything wrong.

You might be in a toxic relationship if you can’t openly talk about important topics like aspirations, money, life issues, or other matters that scare you.

Or worse, you might be in an abusive relationship if you can’t express your thoughts and feelings without fear of retaliation from your partner.

2. Address the Problem’s Root Cause

When you often argue with your partner, someone’s needs aren’t being met. If it seems like your partner is angry about a minor problem, take a breath and evaluate whether there’s a bigger issue at hand.

For example, your partner might want you to spend more time on your relationship if they’re upset that you’re going out too often with your friends. Or she might want you to focus on your studies to keep your grades up.

Put yourself in your partner’s shoes and think how you would feel if the roles were reversed. Be understanding and patient with your partner instead of trying to push your point. Also, be attentive to what you’re doing that might have upset them.

3. Compromise and Find Middle-Ground

Compromising is one of the keys to addressing conflicts and balancing what you and your partner want and are comfortable with.

Now, finding middle ground can be easier than you expect!

For instance, if you fight about spending time with your friends, try to find an approach that allows you to spend quality time with your partner and your friends. You can even alternate the days you go out to do your own thing.

So if you want to make the relationship work, compromises shouldn’t feel like you’re sacrificing everything for your relationship.

4. Choose Your Battles

You have to check whether what you’re fighting about is worth arguing over. If you’re only arguing about a minor issue, it’s best to drop it. If you won’t be mad about it for the next few days, it’s probably not worth your energy.

You won’t agree with your partner on everything, but if you feel like the issue is too big to ignore, you should see if you and your partner are compatible.

5. Avoid Conflicts That Stem from a Need for Control

If you feel your partner is trying to control what you do, that’s a huge red flag. Your partner might be trying to control you if they force you to spend time with them, limit your time with your friends, and/or get angry if you prioritize your studies or duties.

Even if they try to rationalize their behavior, no one should ever try to control you, especially not your partner.

So if you notice these behaviors in your partner, your relationship might be abusive, and it’s best to talk to someone immediately.

6. Maintain a Respectful and Calm Demeanor

Don’t insult your partner while arguing, and keep the focus of your fight on the issue at hand. If they consistently get heated and start cursing, you might be with an abusive partner.

Despite the argument’s root cause, no one has the right to make you feel scared or uncomfortable. You should never feel like you’re being attacked or like you need to tread carefully to avoid making your partner angrier.

7. Take a Different Perspective

In a conflict, you want to feel understood and heard. You often talk a lot about your point of view to get your partner to see things your way.

Although that may be common, solely focusing on your desire to be understood can negatively affect your relationship. And if you do this all the time, there’s only little focus on your partner’s perspective, and ultimately no one gets understood and heard.

Instead, try to see the other side, so you can better explain yours. And if there are still things that may have confused you, continue asking your partner until you understand them. After all, your partner will likely be eager to listen if they feel heard.

8. Be Open-Minded

If you’ve been looking for ways to save your relationship, things might have been going south. You need to dig into the past to uncover the real, deeper problems and look ahead. In short, it’s time to ask yourself the right questions.

You start by having the right mindset. Don’t dig up old problems and blame your partner. Instead, tell your partner about the things that annoy you.

Likewise, embrace acceptance and gratitude. Even your relationship’s current state presents you with the chance to grow and learn — as long as you’re open to what it has to teach you.

9. Weigh If the Problem Is Resolvable or Not

Other couples often fight about an issue that affects their lives, including where to live after graduating or moving into another place. If you feel like you’ll have to give up on your dreams, principles, and beliefs to make the relationship work, you need to consider whether it’s worth staying in.

To make your things work, you and your partner should be on the same page about the bigger picture and the direction your relationship is headed. Being compatible with your partner might mean having aligned beliefs, values, dreams, and goals.

Also, fighting with your partner doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship is going south. In fact, it can improve your relationship if handled properly.

Lastly, by handling issues constructively, you can better understand each other and find an approach that works for you. Otherwise, things can escalate without fixing anything. Follow these tips to deal with relationship conflicts successfully.

Follow these tips to deal with relationship conflicts successfully. And remember that if you never talk about your problems, you’ll never address them.