ADVICE
Here’s How to Stop Being Self-Conscious in Your Relationship
Partners are safe spaces. They know you better than others and won’t knock you for being who you are. You can be yourself around them with little to no inhibitions, right?
Sadly, some of us can’t. For whatever reason, they hold themselves back. It’s as if the whole world has their eyes on them, judging. They often feel their cheeks turn red and have the urge to run off to the middle of nowhere.
That right there is self-consciousness in a nutshell. And when left unaddressed, it can damage relationships.
What can you do to avoid this? This article tells you how to stop being self-conscious in your relationship.
Why the Self-Consciousness?
Before knowing the solutions, you should get to the root of the problem. People may have different reasons, but these are the most common ones:
The Spotlight Effect
Have you ever felt that your partner is watching your every move?
When you do something wrong, you immediately think your partner’s silently nitpicking, from your appearance to your habits.
Social psychologists call this the Spotlight Effect. Per Verywell Mind, it’s the “tendency to overestimate how much other people notice about us.”
Imagine you’re onstage with a spotlight pointing at you. It highlights your mistakes and flaws for the world to see.
The Illusion of Transparency
If the Spotlight Effect wasn’t bad enough, another cognitive bias can arise because of self-consciousness. It’s called the Illusion of Transparency. It happens when we overestimate the extent of other people’s perceptions of us, from thoughts to feelings.
Under this illusion, you believe your partner can read your every emotion. The truth is, they can’t — they’re not mind-readers.
Insecurities
You know your partner loves you, flaws and all. Still, there are nagging voices in your head. They’re telling you that you aren’t good enough. You feel your looks can’t measure up, and your personality isn’t fun enough for them.
Don’t let those voices win. They’ll only destroy your relationship.
Fear of judgment
This fear exists for various reasons, with insecurity being among them. You don’t want your partner to misinterpret your actions and decisions (and, by extension, everyone else). And with that, you may feel like minimizing yourself to avoid that.
How to Stop Being Self-conscious
Doubts are natural. However, constant second-guessing isn’t. When you let them overpower you, this says a lot about how you view yourself.
Stop being self-conscious in your relationship through these helpful ways:
#1: Know where your strengths lie
You have flaws, but guess what? So does everyone else! Celebrate your strengths instead of dwelling on your weaknesses. This will do good for your self-esteem.
#2: Ditch the comparisons
There’s a reason that comparison is the thief of joy. It robs you of happiness because it makes you feel bad about yourself. Instead of following others, focus on your relationship’s uniqueness. No two couples are alike.
#3: Keep expectations realistic
Perfection is impossible (especially in complex matters like relationships!), but that’s not a bad thing. The sooner you temper your expectations, the lighter you’ll feel.
#4: Express gratitude to your partner
If there’s one thing you should never doubt, it’s your partner’s support. Don’t forget to thank them for their reassurance and appreciation.
#5: Don’t make your partner something they’re not
Your partner isn’t a judge or jury member. Sure, they’ll ask questions, especially when they involve major decisions. However, they won’t hold things against you. The more open you are, the more support you’ll get.
May the tips above teach you how to stop being self-conscious in your relationship. You deserve to celebrate your love.
Reference
Cuncic, Arlin. 2023. “The Spotlight Effect and Social Anxiety.” Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-the-spotlight-effect-3024470.
