REALITIES
These Lessons Should Teach Us All About Love
Like most things in life, experience is the best teacher in relationships. Sure, we learn a lot from being secondhand witnesses, but few things compare to immersion.
Our experiences, regardless of their outcomes, come with lessons. These takeaways stick with us for the rest of our lives, for better or worse. And the wisdom we apply to future relationships, hoping for better outcomes.
Since everyone has unique relationship experiences, people learn different lessons from them. But there are some universal ones most couples can take cues from.
These takeaways are all about love and what it means to give and take it. You may want to take some notes.
#1: Similarities don’t always guarantee love.
Before I present my case for this point, I’ll make this clear: similarities are great! Who doesn’t like having common ground with a romantic interest?
But the thing is, just because you have shared interests doesn’t mean love is 100% in the air. You can meet someone whose personality is a full 180 from yours and realize you have indescribable chemistry. And sometimes, that special connection wins out over commonalities.
#2: There’s no forcing a connection.
Speaking of special connections, we can’t force them to happen. They just do!
No matter how hard we try to spark something with somebody, we can’t cross the proverbial bridge of love if the other half of it doesn’t exist. What’s that supposed to be, you ask? The answer is mutual feelings.
If you’re looking for an example, see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Patrick tries to make the memory-wiped Clementine fall for him by restaging her memories with Joel. But despite his best efforts, his attempts failed.
#3: People aren’t concepts.
Continuing from where #2 left off, I’ll use another Eternal Sunshine reference. Here’s what Clementine told Joel when he told her she possessed an important quality for him:
Joel, I’m not a concept. I want you to just keep that in your head. Too many guys think I’m a concept, or I complete them, or I’m gonna make them alive. But I’m just a girl who’s looking for my own peace of mind. Don’t assign me yours.
The point? Don’t box people into ideas. You’ll just set yourself up for disappointment. Instead, see people for who they are, because that’s what love is all about — embracing everything that person has.
#4: Love means dealing with the good, bad, and ugly parts.
When we think of love, most of us zoom ahead to the romantic parts. And I don’t blame anyone for that — I tend to do that too!
However, we sometimes forget that love isn’t always rainbows and butterflies. It can also come with mood swings, bouts of irrationality, and pain. All these make for ugly memories, along with the good ones.
We sadly can’t eliminate those stinkers. As much as they suck, they have a silver lining. All your memories (even the bad ones) shape you to become a stronger person, which will undoubtedly make you a better partner.
#5: Love is in everyone.
Lovers come and go. But even if they do, that doesn’t mean there isn’t any love in our lives anymore.
Sometimes, we get so lost in our losses that we forget that love doesn’t just come in romantic forms. Our friends and family have spaces in their hearts carved out just for us, and that won’t ever change. For others, it takes a breakup for them to remember that.
But let’s not wait for that point to become our wake-up call. Take all the love you can get from your other loved ones and give equal love back.
These reminders have helped me know all about love and how to approach it. May they also encourage you to look at it healthily.
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