REALITIES
A Modern Marriage Looks Like This
We all know marriage goes beyond exchanging “I do’s.” Saying your vows is one thing. Following them through (or, at best, exceeding them) is another. Unfortunately, it’s not that simple. People go through personal changes that impact their marriage.
And with that, some couples can’t help but ask this question: How can we make a modern marriage work?
What Makes a Marriage Modern?
I’ll be honest; this question had me stumped for a bit. Ball gowns, grand halls, and other traditional practices aside, how different is marriage now compared to then?
A realization hit me after a few moments of contemplation and exploration online. A modern marriage allows you and your spouse to follow the beat of your own drums.
You have the choice to do what you want. You can follow traditional timelines, like starting a family not long after getting married. As long as you’re both up for this direction, this won’t be an issue.
But if that isn’t what you both desire, you can carve your own path as you navigate this lifelong commitment. You can put family-building on pause and work on other goals (like professional stability, for example) first.
The point: it’s your marriage. You don’t need other people in your ear telling you what to do. This freedom is a far cry from traditional expectations. Couples no longer feel trapped in an arrangement.
Out With the Old, In With the New
Before technology was even an idea, marriage had long existed. Per a Guardian article, the dawn of the latter’s concept was this: an arranged union with family, property, and wealth as the basis for such arrangements. It seemed more like a contract than a loving relationship.
Fast forward to today, and marriage (and relationships as a whole) has evolved along with the times. Folks are no longer subscribing to arranged unions. They go for what they want on their terms.
Parents and family members still get involved, of course. However, they don’t go beyond their boundaries. They know where their limits lie and leave most (if not all) of the decision-making to their kids.
This shift coincides with the rise of relationship buzzwords, phenomena like co-parenting, and unconventional relationship structures. As time passes, expect more changes down the line.
How to Make Modern Marriages Function
There’s no secret formula to make a modern marriage work. Each one is different because the circumstances and dynamics vary. What works for one may not apply to another.
However, there are helpful general guidelines couples can follow to keep theirs intact. These two tips should boost your union:
Chasing your goals doesn’t mean drifting apart
Modern marriages are all for both parties pursuing their dreams. However, that pursuit shouldn’t turn into individualism. You still have a marriage to nurture here.
As you and your spouse go after your individual goals, don’t forget to care for each other. Growth doesn’t just stop at self-fulfillment.
Let go of perfection
“Perfect” is overrated. And frankly, it’s impossible. Don’t let Instagram posts and TikTok clips make you think otherwise. Happily-ever-afters sound great, but they’re not as feasible as we wish.
It’s one thing to be inspired by love stories, but another to try to live them out. Reality is where we’re at, so you might as well work with what you’ve got and write your love story through more grounded means.
A modern marriage doesn’t have to be as complicated as some assume it to be. May you and your spouse stick together through thick and thin.
Reference
Koul, Scaachi. 2023. “This Year, Women Said “Enough” to Modern Marriage.” The Guardian. https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/dec/12/us-marriage-rate-declining-women-divorce.
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