RELATIONSHIP ADVICE
New Relationships Emerging? Here’s How to Set Boundaries
Ah, boundaries — some love them, while others hate them. Some may think they’re killjoys, but they bring more help than harm.
When new relationships emerge, boundaries are often the last thing on people’s minds. And that’s pretty normal. After all, who thinks about ground rules when enjoying newfound bliss?
However, you should set those boundaries earlier than you think.
You don’t have to immediately talk about them after making your relationship official. Enjoy the butterflies! However, get that discussion out of the way as soon as possible to set expectations for each other, avoid conflicts, and improve communication.
The question now is: how should you establish your boundaries? These steps should give your discussion a good place to start:
#1: Get your personal boundaries sorted out
Before thinking of your relationship’s ground rules, look at your own first. You’re the only one who fully understands what works for you and what doesn’t. If you haven’t yet, take this time to dive deep into your emotions and get to know yourself.
#2: Reveal your deal-breakers
Everybody has their no-nos, and sharing them shouldn’t be scary. Your partner may even end up agreeing with some of them! And, of course, while you might have different perspectives on others, all should be well if you discuss them without judgment.
#3: Treat each other how you want to be treated
There’s a reason most people prefer to believe actions more than words. Treating your partner how you want them to treat you shouldn’t be a tall order, yes? This mutual respect will go a long way in keeping boundaries intact.
#4: Share how you solve problems/conflicts
As much as we hate it, disagreements are inevitable in relationships; even the most in-sync couples have them from time to time.
How do you manage fights or problems? Talk to your partner about your style, and give them room to share theirs. This will greatly help you in the teamwork department.
#5: Talk about what you’re bringing into your union
You don’t have to tell your partner every detail about your history. However, you should disclose things relevant to your new relationship, including kids from previous partners, career status, and health concerns — no ifs, ands, or buts.
Your relationship doesn’t entitle you to know your partner’s secrets. However, sharing things similar to those mentioned above would save both of you much trouble.
#6: Don’t be shy about turning things down
Many think that saying “no” is a bad thing. However, it’s not.
Turning things down, especially when you’re uncomfortable, shouldn’t make you feel awkward. Unless you’re being unreasonable, you’re not being demanding or difficult. Learn how and when to say “no.” Own this power, not fear it.
#7: Stay true to yourself
Setting boundaries doesn’t mean changing yourself to fit into a mold. Compromises exist, but you shouldn’t lose your identity for the sake of another person. Don’t pretend to like something to keep the peace in your relationship.
Setting boundaries at the start of new relationships shouldn’t be a terrifying task. That said, do it now rather than later. You’ll thank yourself for it.
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