REALITIES
Parallel Play in Relationships: How Does It Help?
Picture this: you and your partner are enjoying a quiet night on the couch at home. You’re editing an Instagram reel while watching the latest episode of your favorite TV rom-com. Meanwhile, they’re busy playing a first-person shooter game on their phone.
They turn away from their game, catch a glimpse of the episode, and are amused by its plotline. You then show them your reel’s progress, and they compliment your editing skills.
This blissful scenario is an example of parallel play in relationships. If you aren’t familiar with it, let this entry explain it.
A Stage of Development
Verywell Mind refers to parallel play as “the act of two or more children playing with different toys or activities separately while physically playing side-by-side.”
Experts consider this stage crucial for a child’s growth. Why? It helps them develop confidence, motor and social skills, expression, and independence.
Children discover that others think and view things differently. Accepting and remaining comfortable doing different activities is an important growth mark for a kid.
Even as adults, this stage continues. Per RMIT psychology lecturer James Collet, the long days we’ve spent in lockdown during COVID-19 are an example.
“The pandemic forced us to think about how we maintain our sense of self and meet our needs while integrating that into our personal lives,” he tells ABC Australia.
Being alone with somebody may not seem much. However, it does wonders.
It calms the mind, letting it peacefully wander freely. Its comforting nature also helps build safe and independent spaces, which everyone can benefit from.
Parallel Play in a Relationship
If the scenario in the introduction sounds familiar, you may have already engaged with the concept. And chances are, you’re more than comfortable with it.
Parallel play brings the best of two worlds: “me” time and quality time. You and your partner get to bond while keeping your sense of self intact. This space proves that two different things can coexist.
When incorporating this into your relationship, here’s a friendly tip: do what makes you comfortable. Even if it’s as simple as doing different workouts in the same room, the point is to enjoy each other’s company while maintaining independence.
The Benefits
The concept can make relationships better.
First, it strengthens trust. It instills confidence in your partner and the relationship as a whole. Since you’re comfortable with not receiving their direct attention all the time (and vice versa), you get a boost of security.
Second, it relieves guilt and anxiety. This results from the trust you’ve built together. You won’t have to worry about each other’s reactions while doing things that may be unappealing. You’re comfortable being yourselves and showing your interests.
And lastly, it helps you appreciate silence. You might not be saying much to each other, but your time together brings comfort and reassurance. Who wouldn’t feel relaxed knowing you don’t always need your mouth to communicate?
Parallel play shows that simple moments leave just as much impact as grand ones. Why not try incorporating it into your relationship?
References
Owen, Hannah. 2024. “Is Parallel Play Hurting or Helping Your Relationship?” Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/is-parallel-play-good-for-relationships-8683514.
Jeffery, Yasmin. 2022. “What Is Adult Parallel Play and How Can You Use It to Your Advantage in Your Relationships?” ABC News. https://www.abc.net.au/news/2022-11-01/what-is-adult-parallel-play-and-how-can-you-use-it-relationships/101596834.
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