ADVICE
Resentment in Relationships | Causes, Signs, and Solutions
Healthy relationships aren’t always the easiest to maintain. Speed bumps are given; sometimes, even the happiest couples find them challenging.
Unfortunately, relationship problems often get the best of some of us.
Resentment in relationships is, sadly, all too common. From what once were joyful unions have become angry and bitter environments.
Sometimes, you don’t even see it coming. It can creep into even the most solid couples, leaving devastating effects.
What triggers resentment in the first place? How can you tell if it’s brewing in you (or your partner)? How can couples resolve it before it’s too late?
Let’s answer each question one by one.
Trouble in Paradise: Causes of Resentment
Contrary to what some believe, a partner’s resentment doesn’t just come out of nowhere. Justifiable or not, people have their reasons.
These are just some of the common catalysts for resentment in a relationship:
#1: Neglect
What happens when only one party holds up their end of the bargain? They’re bound to get burnt out over time. This neglect will eventually morph into deep bitterness and anger if unaddressed.
#2: Lack of support
Not to keep score, but imagine not supporting your partner’s pursuits when they don’t hesitate to support yours. It’s unfair. It’s as if they’re in a relationship with a wall and not a person.
#3: Constant disrespect
How does it feel to always be the one who gets the short end of the stick in your relationship? You never get any say, and you always have to be the one apologizing — even if you aren’t at fault. The longer this goes on, the heavier the grudge.
Sound the Alarm: Signs of Resentment in a Relationship
Picking up a partner’s resentment isn’t easy. It is, after all, a layered and complex emotion. Anger, bitterness, and fatigue are in someone simultaneously, making reason a little difficult.
These cues should ring enough warning bells on your end:
Passive-aggressive behavior
A dead giveaway of resentment is thinly veiled negativity. Instead of sharing their feelings, one party opts to express their sentiments indirectly. This is a cop-out that’s not only annoying but unnecessary.
Avoidance/distance
Independence makes for healthy relationships. However, it’s a different story when they use alone time as an excuse to get away often. If that’s not a red flag, then what is?
Off-handed comments/remarks
Venting is fine, but it becomes a problem when it’s constant. Watch how you talk about your partner. If you always paint them as a horrible person, ask yourself why they’re the villain in your narrative.
Clearing the Air: How to Address Resentment
Getting resentment out is just as tricky as identifying it. You can’t always tell it’s been there all along. And sometimes, people just don’t want to let things go.
The thing is, you need to let the bitterness go. If you think the feeling is already hard on you in the short term, wait until you see people carry that over in the long run. It’s not great!
You can’t nip resentment in the bud immediately because that takes time. It’s a process, and progress isn’t always linear.
Acknowledgment should come first, followed by introspection. Then the hard (but necessary) conversation with your partner comes afterward. Whether you two end things or keep it going, don’t leave without addressing the elephant in the room.
Is resentment in relationships normal? It’s not an anomaly, but letting it linger is. Don’t let it consume you entirely or you’ll set yourself up for toxicity. Resentment, while often difficult to eliminate, is not permanent. If you are both willing to compromise and work things out, nothing is impossible to fix.
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