REALITIES
Living Together? Get Roommate Syndrome Out of the Way
After living in separate spaces, you’re now under a single roof. Moving in with your partner is undoubtedly a huge relationship milestone.
Quality time is in the palm of your hands. It’s as if nothing can break this blissful spell.
However, the magic wears off, and an unsettling feeling creeps in. It’s like someone took the flame and ran away with it. Living together has become a mundane daily experience. And sometimes, one (or both) of you find yourselves ruminating about the what-ifs of living separately.
You’re experiencing what people call “roommate syndrome.”
Defining Roommate Syndrome
Therapist Hilary Weinstein says this phenomenon happens when “the novelty of taking the new and exciting step of cohabitating wears off.” Typically, it’s when a couple has been living together for a considerable time.
Think of this phenomenon as reaching a plateau. Life’s day-to-day details let couples inadvertently put their relationships on the back burner.
Let’s paint a picture: You’ve had frequent date nights before moving in together. Doing so makes total sense since you’ve been living in separate places. And now that you’re in one space, planning dates seems moot since you’re around each other almost every time.
Does that scenario ring a bell? Did it hit close to home? If your answer to either (or worse, both) questions is “yes,” you may be living with that syndrome.
Signs of Roommate Syndrome
Heed these warnings before your relationship reaches the point of no return:
1. Decrease in intimacy
Of all the possible signs, this may be the most telling one. Physical and emotional intimacy has become rare because you’re both too busy.
You know your relationship is going sideways when you slowly feel uncomfortable around each other.
2. Less quality time
In this fast-paced, modern world, it can be difficult to see each other, even though you live together. Your schedules might not align, or you might be too tired to interact with each other.
Maintaining relationships becomes more challenging when you’re in this situation. In turn, you feel like nothing but roommates.
The intention behind quality time also holds weight. You may often be around each other, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re having fun together. The more this keeps up, the more your relationship goes down the drain.
3. Routine predictability
Living together has made your dynamics stale. Something that was once exciting has become mundane and predictable. While relationships don’t always need big moments, it’s a red flag when they become flat.
4. Transactional conversations
Communication is at an all-time low. Talking to each other was once a joy until it became nothing more than a means of exchange. Conversations have become mere transactions. You only speak to each other when logistical concerns arise.
How to Get Out of Roommate Syndrome
You’ve identified the signs. But here’s the challenging part: working on getting out of the syndrome. How do couples escape?
First, don’t stop working on your communication, as it goes a long way toward solving conflicts and other misunderstandings.
Second, break your routine by injecting some variety. It can be as simple as holding off on reading emails and social media notifications until after eating breakfast together.
Lastly, don’t forget to reconnect regularly. Having check-ins will help you keep tabs on each other’s lives. Remember: none of you are mind-readers.
Don’t let roommate syndrome in when it knocks on your relationship’s doorstep. Both of you should actively work to keep it out. Take notes from this entry and continue to grow in love.
Reference
Ferrante, Carleigh, and Hailey Bouche. 2023. “How to Ward Off ‘Roommate Syndrome’ When Living With a Partner.” The Everygirl. https://theeverygirl.com/roommate-syndrome/.
