LIFE LESSONS
Stop Holding on to Something That Isn’t There
It is not uncommon for people to cling onto unrealized expectations or aspects of their past. They hold on to something that simply isn’t there, adding stress and anxiety because of the unnecessary need to manage/maintain it. This is especially true in relationships where a person would hold on to someone despite them no longer being a part of their life.
Letting go of old attachments might sound easy — all you need is a refresh.
But the truth is, it isn’t that simple.
A bond like a romantic relationship has become a part of your identity. Leaving that behind can feel like throwing a part of yourself away. This may explain why many of us instinctively cling to them as if they’re a matter of life and death.
Clinging to past loves isn’t unusual. But as much as most of us try to keep it together, our attempts often fail.
Why do you keep someone non-existent close to your chest? These reasons may give you an explanation:
#1: False needs
For some, basking in previous attachments feels addictive. Looking back at memories gives them a high they don’t want to come down from. That numbness serves as a temporary escape from their reality. If they can’t get that high, they feel like they can’t function.
Holding on to past matters can make us unconsciously tie them to our idea of happiness. The more we internalize them, the more we believe them. False needs set us up in a trap of our own making, which shouldn’t exist in the first place.
#2: Fear
People cling to past lovers because they’re scared of being alone. They believe no one else will ever love them the way their exes have. Or worse, they fear they won’t ever be loved again.
This fear is pretty normal, especially if you’re fresh off a breakup. However, don’t let that hold you back from living your life. The more you let it fester, the more it becomes unbearable. Don’t let it get to the point where you can’t carry it anymore.
#3: Hope
In other cases, people hold on because they have hopes for a comeback. Things may have ended, but somehow, they have some optimism that the other person will return.
Do you hope to wake up one day to your ex crawling back to you? Do you wish things would revert to the way they previously were?
Hoping for a comeback is normal. But unless that ex is also hoping to win you back, you’re better off thinking about a future without that person.
#4: Unresolved feelings
As sad as this sounds, some hold on to non-existent/past relationships because they still love their exes. If you’re stuck in this predicament, think about why you’re still in love with them. Are your feelings genuine or are you just missing specific traits?
You may genuinely remain in love with the other person. However, holding on to past love is self-destructive behavior. Moving on won’t be easy because the thought of living life without them can be scary.
However, you can’t grow unless you move forward. It’ll be difficult, but you can do it. Nothing should hold you back, especially if it’s a non-existent matter.
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