SELF
Understanding the Ick: What Is This Awkward Feeling?
Dating and relationships aren’t always as sugary sweet as most think. Sometimes, the little things are enough to turn us off and make us feel repulsed. These tiny details include habits and preferences. It can be something as simple as a drink of choice or a deal-breaker like poor hygiene.
This repulsion is called the ick. Some of us know it too well, while others are confused about the disgust.
What is this feeling about? What triggers this nausea? Can this aversion be resolved? Let’s answer these questions one at a time, shall we?
Defining the Ick in a Relationship
For those unaware, it’s the distaste someone feels toward someone they’re dating. It’s a visceral response after witnessing a specific quirk or mannerism.
The term is a popular talking point on TikTok. It may be unfamiliar to some, but the concept isn’t new. It began as early as the 90s, thanks to the TV show Ally McBeal. It was uttered during the first season’s 15th episode after the titular character had a bad date.
The disgust makes a person start recoiling from someone they’re dating, or even a person they’re in a relationship with. It can arise at any point, so there’s no telling when you’ll start feeling it. It can be as early as your first in-person date to as late as your 10th wedding anniversary.
Why the unpredictability? The answer: we don’t stop learning about our partners. And sometimes, we don’t like what we see.
The Triggers
Now that you understand the phenomenon, another question arises. Why do people get the ick?
1. Distance
People change, and that progress may lead to couples drifting apart. Once this realization hits, some cope with that through repulsion. Think of this as an easy way out of a relationship that’s seemingly headed nowhere.
2. Dislikes
More often than not, the feeling of disgust begins when someone spots a trait or quality they dislike. For example, you discovered that your partner has a chain-smoking habit — one of your no-nos. It may not hurt your relationship directly, but it grosses you out.
Yellow flags like the example above may be easy to get over, but things get difficult when red flags show up. When repulsion creeps in after seeing one, it’s best to listen to your gut and heed the warning.
3. Avoidance
This reason is especially applicable to people with avoidant attachment styles. Some recoil from their feelings due to their fear of rejection. They’d rather get ahead and cut themselves off while they can instead of getting dumped.
How to Get Over the Disgust
Getting the ick is bad, but it isn’t a death sentence in your relationship.
If a red flag is the source of your repulsion, you’re well within your right to get out. But if a yellow flag triggers your disgust, you may want to pause and move carefully.
Moving past the cringe means confronting the uncomfortable. Let your partner know how you’re feeling. It doesn’t matter if your reasons are trivial or not. It’s your reaction, after all. You know your partner will understand you if they acknowledge the repulsion and do their share of the work.
Is this repulsion inevitable? Most likely, yes. Since it’s a universal experience, there’s no point in running away from it.
