Relationships
What’s Your Apology Language? | The Art of Saying Sorry
Mending Fences Through Five Ways
By now, you’ve heard of the five love languages. They’ve been the subject of much content. But did you know that their framework also applies to apologies?
If there’s a love language, an apology language also exists. The latter concept isn’t as well known as the former, but it exists. It’s how we express apologies and how we want to be apologized to.
That said, what are these languages? Can someone have more than one? How important are they in relationships?
The Five Apology Languages
Let’s go over each one and see which resonates with you.
1. Expressing regret
See the image above? That’s how this language works. It involves showing feelings of remorse over mistakes. This expression is a building block for true reconciliation because of its straightforwardness.
People prefer this language because of its direct nature. With this, you won’t totally make up for your wrongdoings, but it kickstarts the healing process. It also validates the pain felt by the person on the receiving end.
Should this be a given? Yes. However, many let their pride get in the way of this simple act. And because saying sorry doesn’t take much to do, people tend to overuse it.
2. Accepting responsibility
Acceptance goes beyond merely acknowledging mistakes. It means completely taking responsibility for your actions without playing the blame game. Whatever you have done, it’s on you, and you should know it.
It says a lot when someone holds themselves accountable for their actions. For some people, this transparency is difficult to practice. Aside from pride and ego, they cite fear as a reason for hesitation.
Speaking this language means naming your mistake(s). But if you’re going to apologize, you might as well say what you’re apologizing for.
3. Genuine repentance
Saying sorry is only half the battle. Doing the work to mend fences is another.
This apology language is all about actions. If you make mistakes, you should do the work to correct them. But if you’re on the receiving end, you would want proof of the other’s remorse. Otherwise, apologies will only be empty promises.
4. Making restitution
This language involves looking for solutions to awry situations. This usually happens when a relationship is damaged, broken, or lost. Restitution also takes place when serious situations, like a betrayal, occur and the perpetrator wants to make amends.
Restitution requires verbal and active remorse. If you’re going to make it up to the person, you can’t cherry-pick and choose one over the other; it has to be both.
If you’re on the receiving end of this language, be careful. Some may just use it to disguise a bribe and make it a habit.
5. Requesting for forgiveness
Don’t let the name fool you; this request isn’t as easy as it looks. The receiving party gets the power (and burden), which is appropriate since they need time to process their feelings.
That waiting period isn’t unreasonable. Forgiveness doesn’t grow on trees, and one shouldn’t hand it out like Halloween candy. Should you speak this language, don’t pressure the hurt person to make a choice. People should heal at their own pace, after all.
People can have more than one of these languages. It’s just that most of us have a primary one that relates to us the most.
Still, learning all five is important. If you can use all of them, then all the better.
How Do Apology Languages Help Relationships?
Apology languages help relationships immensely. Just like love languages, they help couples get to know and love each other better.
Fights are inevitable. Even the happiest couples have them from time to time. However, there’s a way to have arguments and resolve them. And how does that resolution start? That’s right — an apology. Saying sorry is the first step to accountability, which every relationship needs.
Apologies are part of the glue holding relationships together. Don’t take your (and your partner’s) apology language for granted.
