DATING ADVICE
Contra-Dating 101: Going Against Types
You know what your type is, right? Everybody has them. You’ve got all your boxes with your ideal traits and qualities. You may even have conjured images of what they look like in your head.
There’s nothing wrong with having types. We’ve all got preferences, after all. The thing is, though, we don’t always get what we hope for. And with that, we should all learn not to limit ourselves to our types.
Many of us keep falling into dating patterns with little to no success. So why not shake things up and go against types? Let me introduce you to contra-dating.
How Does This Work?
Since this is a modern dating phenomenon, some may not be aware of its existence. For everyone’s information, this practice refers to intentionally straying from people who align with your usual standards. To make it simple, this means expanding your horizons.
Should you lower your standards if you want to do this? Fortunately, there’s no reason to do so if you wish to go this route. You don’t need to put your principles, needs, and non-negotiables on the back burner either.
Instead, you should make yourself more flexible and open-minded. Let’s say you’re someone in the STEM industry and always date someone from the same field. If you want to switch gears, you may want to try someone who’s from the arts. You get the idea, right?
Why Are People Going Against the Grain?
If you’re wondering why this idea came to be, here’s the reason: daters are burnt out. Sure, swiping is as easy as one, two, three. However, many dating app users leave a lot to be desired. There are many singles online, but the potential for finding the right person is usually limited by their preferences, especially when dating apps conveniently provide filters.
Another reason: there’s been a shift brewing in the post-pandemic dating scene. Some still crave digital connections, but more and more daters want to get together in person. Normally, they’d find matches through shared experiences like common-interest activities. That makes logical sense: more often than not, partners find each other aligning with their standards.
This is where the switch comes in. Instead of going for what they like and know, they take risks and step out of their dating comfort zones. Say, for example, you like your partners to be just as game as you when it comes to risks. Now, you’re opting for someone who’s more careful and methodical.
Why Give Contra-Dating a Try?
Casting a wide net can be pretty scary, especially for risk-averse daters. But don’t close your doors to that just yet. Hear these reasons out and see if they can help you change your mind:
#1: Sparks don’t guarantee compatibility
Sparks may fly, but that doesn’t always translate to endgames. Don’t get me wrong — initial attractions are great! However, they can be deceiving. They can cloud your logic and stop you from seeing things as they are. What if you end up overlooking dangerous red flags?
#2: You’ll adopt healthier habits
Dating outside your type requires an open mind. While you may not completely change your preferences, you can de-center them to pave the way for deeper connections. The fewer limits you put on yourself, the freer you’ll be. You won’t feel like you’re putting yourself in a box just to fit your type.
Contra-dating may not be for everybody, but it’s something worth trying. Don’t restrict your chances of finding the right person by staying in your comfort zone. Sometimes, taking a risk on someone not your type can be the best decision you’ve ever made. It won’t hurt to find the key in another haystack.
