REALITIES
Yes, You’re Allowed to Have Dating Standards
Like most things, dating has changed a lot over the years. Dating standards are no exception. Modern conventions have influenced most (if not all) daters, from how they present themselves to their choice of potential partners.
For some, standards are annoying and inconvenient barriers that make dating more complicated than it already is. They aren’t asking for anything other than a pretty or handsome face. When they see something too deep for them, they bounce and move on to their next conquest.
And with that, here’s a question some can’t help but ask themselves: is it okay to keep having standards in dating? Or should we save ourselves the trouble of maintaining them or keep them?
Why Do Dating Standards Exist?
Some friends might have told you to try dating below your standards. Meanwhile, others recommend keeping yours high. But why are there standards in the first place?
First, standards help people gauge compatibility. Are they the be-all and end-all? No, but they are essential in relationships. Think of them as benchmarks: they stop you from wasting time with somebody who can’t and won’t meet your needs.
Second, it protects daters from manipulation and disrespect. How? Standards come with boundaries. And once you set yours, there’s nothing anyone can do but respect and observe them. Anyone who crosses them will only reveal themselves as walking red flags.
And lastly, they filter suitable prospects from unsavory ones. You know what you want and won’t tolerate. The more you’re sure about what you’re looking for, the less stressful your search will be.
Are Your Dating Standards Too High?
While standards are necessary, there is such a thing as too much and unrealistic. How do you know if your standards are out of reach?
#1: You want instant fireworks
As much as we want to, we can’t tell if someone is The One off the bat. That realization takes time and shared experiences to learn. Liking someone is one thing, but loving them is another.
#2: One mistake is enough to write someone off
Just because someone commits a tiny pet peeve doesn’t mean they’re bad news. Unless what they did is a major red flag, one mistake isn’t enough to cast someone aside.
#3: Social media is your barometer
Don’t believe everything you see and read on the Internet. Many couples seem happy with their relationship online, but that doesn’t mean you should follow in their footsteps. Every relationship is unique — yours included.
If your standards need adjustment, listen to your gut and take that as a sign. Some introspection will do you good.
Don’t Lower Your Standards for Anyone
Despite their best efforts, some people can’t find partners. And with their failure, they blame their standards. They believe they’re too unreasonable for others to meet.
Meanwhile, some daters get upset (or worse) about others’ standards in the romance department. If the latter doesn’t lower them, the former labels them as difficult, unattainable, or worse, unworthy.
There’s a difference between high and unrealistic standards. If yours are reasonable and realistic, it’s not a “you” problem. There’s nothing wrong with going after your wants and needs. Looking out for yourself isn’t a bad thing.
Dating standards aren’t killjoys. Go ahead and maintain yours! You’ll thank yourself for establishing them.
