Dating Reality
The Feelings Gap, Explained: Is This Dating Timeline Real?
No two matches are the same. Love it or hate it, some relationships last longer than others. Meanwhile, a few side quests feel like they’re The One, only to fizzle out in three months.
Why? For many, the novelty of their relationships flame out around that period. This makes them question whether their matches are worth their commitment.
This phenomenon is what some call the feelings gap. It’s the difference in the duration each party takes when deciding to make their relationship long-term.
Some may think this gap is just another dating trend that’ll pass. Others believe it’s a real phenomenon. And with that, here’s a question: Does this dating timeline actually exist?
Read on to find out.
Why Three Months?
People run on different timelines. And with that, three months mean different things to various people.
For some, three months is enough time. According to research by Inner Circle, that’s the average time women take to decide whether their partner is worth their commitment. They believe there are enough signs (good or bad) manifesting during that period that point them to their decision.
For others, this timeline for dating is too long. Men usually relate to this because they tend to make snap decisions. Sometimes, this quickness is great. But on other occasions, haste makes waste.
How Legit Is the Feelings Gap?
According to Inner Circle’s Crystal Cansdale, this gap is real.
“We see it all the time,” she tells Stylist. “One party steams ahead and falls quick and fast. Sometimes, we accuse them of love bombing — displays of affection that feel too fast and too soon. But it’s not as sinister in many cases.”
While that point is valid, here’s the thing: 90 days isn’t always enough for everybody. Some couples take longer than others. Relationships are complex, and nobody can predict how they’ll play out.
Spotting the Gap
This gap can make dating more challenging to navigate because of the lag it brings. Imagine catching up on another person’s feelings.
Fortunately, there is a remedy to this.
Since you’re in charge of your dating life, you can spot the gap before it becomes a deadly force. Here’s how you can see it coming:
#1: Set a steady pace.
If you’re still starting out, try having one or two weekly dates. This lets you get to know each other at a manageable level. There’s no need to pump the brakes when the pace is at your preferred speed.
#2: Check if they tick your boxes.
Dating can be blissful, but don’t let the euphoria cloud your judgment. You know what you want, so why sell yourself short? If your match has all your non-negotiables down, take that as a green light.
#3: Do a self-assessment.
Some people just aren’t compatible. If the feelings aren’t there from the jump, growth becomes highly unlikely. The least you can do is be honest with yourself. That’s a huge chunk of what dating is, after all.
#4: See your worth.
Sometimes, the gap happens even if you’ve prepared for its arrival. And when it does, don’t crucify yourself for it. You’re not at fault because you’re entitled to your feelings.
There’s some merit to this dating timeline, but remember this: let nature take its course. You can’t dictate outcomes anyway, so take them as they unfold. The future may surprise you.
References
Fong, Gigi. 2022. “This Is Why Your Relationships Don’t Last Longer than 3 Months.” Hypebae. https://hypebae.com/2022/9/dating-trend-advice-expert-feelings-gap-inner-circle-app.
Sinclair, Leah. 2022. “Dating in 2022: This Is Why the ‘Feelings Gap’ Is Making It Difficult to Sustain Relationships.” Stylist. https://www.stylist.co.uk/relationships/dating-love/feelings-gap-dating-cycle-relationship/704571.
