RELATIONSHIP ADVICE
Don’t Ruin Yourself Trying to Be Somebody’s Emotional Crutch
Being somebody’s emotional crutch often starts sweet. Sadly, it only leads to pain. No one deserves this burden, especially the most fragile of hearts.
Sweet Beginnings
Let’s say you and the object of your affection have formed a friendship by sharing basic information and mutual interests.
As you get to know each other, subjects shift from surface-level to deep. The other person, in particular, shares private matters like their relationship history and emotional state. In return, you match your responses by divulging your history.
As this candidness continues, you feel your conversations are sowing the seeds of your friendship and growing into something more.
Trouble in Paradise
Unfortunately, the tides have changed. Your exchanges are no longer equal. Gone are the days when you’d send each other silly things for laughs. These talks only happen under the following circumstances:
You see a concerning social media post from them. It worries you, so you message to check on them, asking if they’re alright. What follows is a long conversation about their issues and other feelings.
Here’s the sad part: not once do they even bother to ask how you’re doing or feeling while they’re sharing their skeletons. Is that a requirement? No. After all, they’re not a mind reader. However, that gesture would’ve been greatly appreciated.
If that doesn’t happen, here’s the other scenario: say you’ve had a rough day and post a hint of that online. They catch that, and unlike scenario #1, they ask if you’re okay. How considerate, yes?
However, that’s where the thoughtfulness ends. Once you finish sharing your post’s context and they know you’re fine, they share their emotional dilemmas.
That may be a non-issue, but they’re refocusing the conversation around them. What was supposed to be a check-in on you turned into a therapy session for them.
Signs You’re Being Used as an Emotional Crutch
It can be tiring when someone’s constantly leaning on you. Don’t ignore these warnings as soon as you sense them:
#1: Convenience
Do you reply immediately when their message notification lights up your phone? Are they the first face you say hello to in a sea of familiar ones?
Just because you’re the one they turn to doesn’t mean they’re romantically interested. Unless there are implications, you’re sadly a convenient confidant. While friendship isn’t (and shouldn’t be) a consolation prize, you’ve got nowhere to go but that zone.
#2: Vague intentions
When someone’s serious about you, they will let you know. Casual isn’t in their dictionary; their pursuit is 100% intentional.
That’s the clear difference between love and whatever your current arrangement is. They’re keeping you on their back burner for various reasons. They’re either pursuing someone else or don’t want commitment.
#3: You become their comfort blanket
As established in the previous sections, they go to you when they need to vent. Don’t get it wrong; this is fine when there’s consent. It’s problematic, however, when it becomes a habit.
There’s nothing wrong with being somebody’s shoulder to lean on, by the way. But the thing is, this doesn’t indicate mutual feelings. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but just because they’re vulnerable around you doesn’t mean they’re in love with you.
#4: No dates, but the conversations are LONG
Long conversations that last hours may feel like things are progressing. But slow your roll; they’re not a guarantee.
For all you know, they may see you as just a sounding board. Sure, you’ve encouraged and allowed them to vent to you, but it doesn’t necessarily pave the way for romance. Talk is cheap anyway. Again, if they want you, they’ll make it known.
You’re not the one they want. Regardless, they want to keep you around their orbit. But until a miracle happens and they return your feelings, you’re their emotional crutch.
Being a friend is one thing. However, it’s another story if you’re their go-to for filling their emotional void. Remember, that’s not your job. Don’t wreck yourself for somebody else.
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