Psychology
Get to Know Yourself Before Knowing Someone Else
You Know YOU Best
When we love someone, we tend to go all-in (as we should) on that person. Anything less than full commitment isn’t enough to cut it.
But here’s one thing that’s also true: some people give so much of themselves that they lose their identities to varying degrees. And when their relationships end, parts of themselves leave along with their exes.
Recovering those missing parts is easier said than done. Some don’t even have the strength to get up and find them. Cases like these are why you should get to know yourself before understanding somebody else.
The Case for Introspection
“You know me better than I know myself.”
You may have heard this line at least once. But as sweet as it sounds, it’s also a little sad. It’s as if you’ve given someone else permission to define you.
Does this indicate manipulation? Not necessarily. What makes that statement potentially dangerous is that another person shapes your perspectives and changes your realities based on their words.
Reality is how we perceive our surroundings. Everybody has unique experiences shaping their worldview. Placing all that on someone else changes that. It makes you feel you’re not on the right path because you aren’t following their direction.
And with that, introspection is in order. If you don’t figure yourself out, someone else will do that for you. Trust me — you don’t want that to happen.
How Getting to Know Yourself Makes You a Better Partner
Self-discovery paves the way for two things: (1) individual character development and (2) growth as a couple.
How so?
One, you gain self-awareness. Thoughts and feelings vary from person to person, which means that if anyone should look in the mirror and ask tough questions, it should be you.
Two, introspection helps people connect experiences and reactions. Say you and a match disagreed about something. That reflection makes you stop and think about your reactions.
How did they affect others? Is it something I can attribute to my childhood or past relationships? You’ll recognize the impact of your reactions and why you acted the way you did.
This leads us to number three. The connection adds to your empathy. As you understand yourself, you also understand how others think, feel, and act. You can picture yourself in their positions and relate to their experiences and emotions, which is especially important in relationships.
You Define Yourself
Nobody should define you other than yourself. Don’t let other people box you into their preferred concepts.
If you let other people define you, you’ll only be under the shadow of their expectations. Kindness is one thing, but being a people-pleaser is another. If you’re in a relationship, you shouldn’t act like someone you’re not just to check your partner’s boxes. Not only are you lying to them, but to yourself as well.
Get to know yourself before anyone else does. It will take work, with the occasional slip-up. But as messy as it can be, living your truth is much better than living someone’s lie. You owe that to yourself. If your partner understands that, you can bet they’re for keeps.
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