Having a Crush as an Adult? You’re Not Alone
In Fact, It’s Pretty Normal
Picture this: you’re in bed getting your well-deserved rest. Your phone lights up and you hear a ping. A specific someone’s name pops up on your notifications. Suddenly, butterflies swarm your stomach, waking you up from your stupor.
Does this ring a bell?
Have you ever been down bad for someone to the point that you’ve lost sleep or acted out of character? That’s what having a crush is like.
It’s not anyone’s fault. Experiences like this are universal, just like yearning. Regardless of age, everybody’s done something embarrassing to get closer to their crushes. Even I have a handful of those moments!
If you’re in this situation, I’ll repeat what the article headline says: you’re not alone. Don’t let anybody force you to think otherwise.
The Psychology of Having a Crush
Why does having a crush on somebody feel like an out-of-body experience?
It’s all because of our brain. It releases dopamine, which explains the euphoria and pleasure.
It also triggers norepinephrine, making us feel more alert than usual. It feels like you’re on a high you don’t want to come down from.
Crushes are normal among teenagers. It’s their first brush with romance and intimacy. They can’t make complete sense of their feelings yet, leading them to fixate or obsess over somebody who’s tickled their fancy.
And guess what: it happens in adults too! It’s not unusual to be in your late twenties and crushing on somebody.
Embarrassed? Don’t Worry — Everyone Else Is!
I won’t lie; having a crush on someone can feel silly and cringe despite the rush.
At the mere mention of their name, logic goes out the door. And with that, we sometimes do irrational things, resulting in our ugliest moments.
According to psychologist Jenna Brownfield, this stems from our need for love and acceptance.
“Our attempts to meet attachment needs aren’t always logical,” she tells Glamour.
For some, the possibility of embarrassment is enough to make them shy away from having crushes. They’re playing it cool and keeping up a facade. Or, they’re putting up walls to protect themselves from potential heartbreak.
Savor the Feelings Anyway
I know having crushes looks and feels silly, especially in old age. Even I feel that way sometimes! But the thing is, it is supposed to be that way.
Crushes can give us some relief from reality. They sprinkle some spice into our otherwise mundane lives. Even if the sparks fly in small doses, those small inserts help days feel brighter. It’s like being in a movie but also sitting in the director’s chair.
Having crushes doesn’t necessarily mean you have to act on them. Some people understandably aren’t sure about their feelings, so they don’t know how to handle them.
If you’re unsure about yours, take some time to figure them out. There’s no deadline for that.
Having a crush is equally agonizing and euphoric, especially in adulthood. But don’t let the cringe stop you from catching feelings.
Allow yourself to be silly. If anything, it’s an indication that your heart’s still beating. You’re never too old to have a crush.
Reference
Sinay, Danielle. 2024. “Crushes Make Everyone Embarrassing, Not Just You.” Glamour. https://www.glamour.com/story/crushes-make-everyone-embarrassing-not-just-you.
