REALITIES
Is Romance Dead and Gone in Modern Times?
Is romance dead?
Many ask themselves (and others) this question as they continue traversing the tricky dating scene. And honestly, I don’t blame them. With the many horror stories and unhappy endings, who wouldn’t have doubts and fears?
This dread is relevant in modern dating, but activist and author Barbara Ehrenreich called it back in 1978 in her book For Her Own Good: Two Centuries of the Experts’ Advice to Women. Here’s what she wrote:
In the post-domestic world, where the old ties no longer bind, all that matters is you: you can be what you want to be; you choose your life, your environment, even your appearance and emotions. Nothing “happens” to you. There are no “can’ts,” only “won’ts.”
This paragraph is over 40 years old, yet it rings true today.
The point? Looking cool matters more nowadays than being true and wearing our hearts on our sleeves. Apparently, the latter is embarrassing, so they won’t do it.
The internet isn’t helping, either. Countless dating questionnaires and quizzes demand instant answers. People now see the sense of obligation towards a partner in a bad light, with some calling it “emotional labor.” And as convenient as dating apps are, they make finding partners feel like job searches. Things are rough.
Who Said Romance Is Dead?
As bleak as things seem, don’t wave the white flag just yet.
All the stories you’ve heard about ghosting on apps and in real life are true. You may have even heard them through secondhand accounts. Or worse, you’ve experienced them yourself.
But all isn’t lost. With every horrible ending, there are some happy ones. Some daters who matched on apps became each other’s endgames. Others began as total strangers, while several started as longtime friends.
But Why Does It Feel This Way?
Is romance dead? Because it certainly feels like it is.
If you’re wondering why this gloomy feeling persists, these two reasons can provide explanations:
#1: People only look out for themselves
Individualism is one heck of a drug. Looking out for oneself is fine. However, it can be a problem if used as a crutch, an excuse, or a justification for bad behavior or poor treatment of others.
#2: People want control
Since love and feelings are beyond our control, some daters want to feel they have some semblance of it. They want to have some power over their fate because they want to avoid pain. And unfortunately, this can lead to toxic behaviors that may hurt others and break their hearts.
Romance Is Not Dead, Ladies and Gentlemen
Is love dead in this generation?
Romance is very much alive and well in the 21st century. To feel it, you should let go of the steering wheel.
Let love be. Stop exerting control over how it goes. As much as you think you can, you can’t separate the potentially bad and ugly side of it from the good. They’re a packaged deal. When you try to do otherwise, you stop yourself from fully savoring the experience.
It may sound contrary, but letting go is powerful. When you don’t try to play chess in romance, it makes things more enjoyable. And when you have fun, you’ll feel just how alive love is.
Love is still in the air and is definitely in the cards for you.
Reference
Smith, Serena. 2023. “Are We Living in a Post-Romantic Era?” Dazed. https://www.dazeddigital.com/life-culture/article/58180/1/are-we-living-in-a-post-romantic-era-dating-apps-emotional-labour.
