Love
Let Down Your Walls and Let Love In
Keep Your Doors Open
Have you ever been hurt by someone so badly that you’ve outright shut the door on future relationships?
Some people feel pain so deeply that they refuse to let love in their lives again.
As sad as that is, it’s a human response. Surely, you don’t want to get burned by the same flame twice.
And as if that isn’t bad enough, going back to it knowing full well how it will turn out is just tragic.
Why do these walls exist? What can you do to tear them down? How do you allow love to come back into your life?
Why Does Love Make People Feel Uncomfortable?
Oh, to love and be loved. That should feel great, right? For some, yes. But for others (and maybe yourself), the thought alone makes them want to run for the hills.
“Don’t let me fall in love,” they plead to the universe.
Why do they see something supposedly good as a nightmare?
Vulnerability calls
Navigating a new relationship is like coursing uncharted waters. It’s unfamiliar, which is why people tend to fear it. In addition to that, they’re required to open their hearts. Vulnerability leaves them “exposed” (for lack of a better word) to pain, and only a few are willing to take that risk.
Past ghosts come back to haunt you
Our pasts strongly influence the present, which may explain some people’s hesitance with intimate settings. But people don’t always have full awareness of their relationship history when they start seeing new people. This can come to bite them back twice as hard because they don’t expect the same events to happen again.
Love changes what we’re used to
“Let’s not fall in love.”
When some people say this, it’s not because they think the other person isn’t good enough for them. But it’s because they think they’re unlovable.
Add a sad history to that equation, and the result is a person with complex issues and bad habits. So when someone expresses love and affection, they feel uncomfortable because that challenges their poor thoughts of themselves.
Existential issues loom
The more attached someone is to another, the more scared they are of losing the latter.
With self-awareness comes heightened fear. Some don’t want to let love in, rationalizing they’re better off without confronting their issues.
How to Let Love In Again
It’s normal to feel scared when you’ve been hurt once. But trying again can be good for you, especially if someone you think is the right person comes into your life. The opportunity is right there. It would be a pity to let go of something or someone that might change your life.
So, break down your walls with these steps:
#1: Observe and understand how you feel
Do you fight affection? Pause and think about your resistance. Your reflection will help you identify and overcome your barriers.
#2: Share your struggles
I know you don’t want to burden others with your feelings. But trust me — you won’t be. If anything, they’ll be relieved that you confided in them. Talk about your struggles with trusted people (and professionals). They can provide a safe space, allowing you to sow the seeds of easier acceptance of love.
#3: Consider your love language
People give and receive love differently. That’s what love languages are for. Identifying and communicating them will help you respond better to affection.
Don’t Torture Yourself
Everyone deserves to love and be loved. Don’t let anyone make you believe otherwise. Recognizing that opens you up to possibilities you otherwise wouldn’t see. Let love in slowly and experience its magic.
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