REALITIES
Move on From Past Loves; Give Yourself a Reality Check
We don’t always get what we want, do we? We work our tails off to achieve something, only to fail.
Relationships are no exception. As much as we want some things (and people) to last, they leave. When that happens, some of us blame ourselves for our unhappy endings.
Look, it’s easy to play the blame game. However, cut yourself some slack. Your experiences may have sucked, and you’ve undeniably played a part in them, but that doesn’t mean you’re the villain who doesn’t deserve a happy ending.
A reality check can help you get the necessary closure to move. And these friendly ones are great starting points:
If there wasn’t a reason for staying, take the ending as a lesson.
Did your past lover(s) give you a reason to stay with them? Was your relationship going anywhere in the first place?
Sometimes, relationship endings aren’t as dramatic as you think. Some don’t wait for disrespect or mistakes. Walking out doesn’t always need grand explanations. It can be as simple as taking a stand for yourself and no longer tolerating anything that doesn’t meet your wants and needs (more on this later).
Don’t mistake this for ghosting, though. That’s an entirely different story.
You might have been in love with the idea, not the person.
When attachments grow, we sometimes get too much in our feelings. They take us on a high we don’t want to come down from.
Recall your past loves. Everything seemed heightened in the beginning, yes? The way they made you feel was addictive. The way they looked at you made it seem like you were the only people in the room. And with that, you formed an idea of them, making it seem real, even if it wasn’t.
Looking at love through rose-colored lenses isn’t the best practice. But don’t punish yourself for having done it. We all want to love and be loved, and you shouldn’t blame yourself for getting attached. Take this as a reality check, and remember to see things clearly in your future relationships.
You accept what you tolerate.
We take in the love we think we deserve based on how we see ourselves. Some may take a crumb of attention from someone and make it bigger than it is. Others settle for being an emotional crutch because they think they don’t deserve someone serious.
You may have heard this multiple times, but you should see and love yourself better. It’ll take time, but the payoff is worth the work. It’s the only way you can break free from toxicity.
Your pain is valid, regardless of the arrangement.
I know it can be tempting to minimize heartbreak, especially if no labels are involved. When you’re reeling from a situationship, for example, you might tell yourself you weren’t official to diminish the pain.
But if you feel hurt, don’t deny it. You’re allowed to feel pain, even if your circumstances weren’t the most ideal. So what if it was just a one-sided thing? You’re only human, and you have feelings, so go ahead and pour your heart out.
Love shouldn’t be half-baked.
If you were walking on eggshells with your ex(es) because you were scared you’d scare them off, then reality check: maybe that wasn’t real love.
Relationships aren’t supposed to make you repress yourself. They aren’t sinful or a crime punishable by law. They should make you feel free because the other person should be your safe space.
Processing these reality checks can take time, with some longer than others. Once you’ve fully accepted them, you’ll attract yourself to better choices.
