DATING ADVICE
A Case for Dropping Your Relationship Checklist
There’s no accounting for taste.
This may be an idiom whose logic applies to relationships. Everybody has a type, and there’s not much we can do to change that.
And because we have types, we can’t help but make a relationship checklist. Don’t get me wrong — they’re harmless per se. It’s not like they’re detrimental to couples.
However, it’s impossible to check every single item on those checklists. Sure, they’re ideal. But the thing is, the ideal doesn’t always translate into reality. What may be a big deal for you may be insignificant for another.
With that said, maybe you should rethink following your checklist.
You Can’t Always Get What You Want
The Rolling Stones had a point when they sang this line.
In all seriousness, things don’t always swing in our favor. Love isn’t an exemption. As much as we try, we don’t always win out.
For example, someone is looking for a match with specific characteristics. However, they fall for someone who’s ticked off only one box. The failure and disappointment made them shut the door on love. Now, they stick to casual arrangements because they feel no one can complete their checklist.
Disappointments suck — there’s no going around that. However, they aren’t a death sentence in the romance department. They may even end up saving you. Think of them as reminders to make your checklist more grounded.
It may hurt now, but you’ll realize those initial disappointments were necessary reality checks. And once that realization hits, you’ll lead yourself to lesser disappointments.
You May Think You Want Something, But You Truly Don’t Need It
Preferences are nice things to have. Some people heavily emphasize it in their dating lives because they don’t have much experience — and I don’t blame them. We all had to start somewhere, right?
But sometimes, crossing those “wants” off your checklist can be disappointing. Say you’ve followed a relationship checklist for couples online, made it your own, and used it to win somebody over. Once you start testing that list out in real life, you’ll realize some items are selective and shallow.
Checklists can be wish lists masquerading as necessities. Don’t set yourself up for disappointment.
Some Things Only Look Good on Paper
As cliche as this sounds, looks can be deceiving. A handsome and pretty face doesn’t always have what we’re actually looking for. Say you spot somebody checking you out. They seem alright (cute even!), but you feel like they’re missing something.
That “but” is stopping you from developing real feelings. While you’re allowed to have preferences, that doesn’t mean you should follow them to the letter. You’re just putting yourself in a box.
When you’re with the right person, a checklist is unnecessary. You’ll forget about those boxes once Cupid decides to pair you together. Like what kids say these days: if you know, you know.
Relationship checklists can help us figure out our needs and wants. But at the end of the day, our feelings lead the way. The way we feel and act around them matters. Logic is important, of course, but listen to your gut.
You’re free to follow your relationship checklist. However, going unscripted is something worth considering. Don’t add any unnecessary pressure and ruin a good thing.
